You know you're a Beemerphile when:

1. You believe:
  1. good nutrition is the source of all life;
  2. granola will save you from all mental and physical problems;
  3. Dark Beer and Bratwurst is a basic food group.
2. You believe you meet the nicest people:
  1. in a fern bar;
  2. while drunk;
  3. at 160 kph.
3. You seee the latest Japanese Superbike ahead of you and think:
  1. the bike is very attractive with it's unusual graphics;
  2. the rider must be very good since he is wearing racing leathers;
  3. he must be passed immediately.
4. You believe a "nice little ride" includes:
  1. the nearest Starbucks franchise;
  2. a quick afternoon blast up a wiggly road;
  3. people who have never heard of your home town.
5. You are ready to buy a new bike and you:
  1. get all the literature on the newest Superbikes;
  2. buy the bike with the best stereo;
  3. rebuild your Beemer and spend the difference touring Europe on it.
6. You buy a new BMW because:
  1. your old bike has almost 20,000 km on it and is worn out;
  2. you want to "keep up with the Joneses";
  3. you believe it is your duty to buy one every Decade whether you need it or not.
7. You believe the perfect wife can:
  1. cook a mouth-watering souffle;
  2. discuss the niceties of international politics;
  3. bench-press an R1100GS while you change the tire.
8. You are annoyed when:
  1. the concierge doesn't know your first name;
  2. the hot tub is more than 5 feet from the hotel pool;
  3. the rock under your tent isn't big enough to be a really good pillow.
9. You believe leathers should be:
  1. a sign of your status in the motorcycling sub-culture;
  2. attractive to young ladies;
  3. black.
10. You believe a "Kill Switch" should:
  1. turn off the engine;
  2. be used to play tricks on your friend's bikes;
  3. launch ground-to-ground missiles at Volvos driven by idiots.
If you answred "C" to 3 or more of the above questions, you either have, or should have, a BMW motorcycle.

If you did not answer "C" to ANY of the above questions, you are on the wrong planet and must leave immediately.

-- Brian Dawson, Vancouver B.C.

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